Good morning cross watcher! How did the extra day of the year treat you? Did you do something fun and productive? I hope so because you won’t see it for another 4 years from now, I hope you made it count. Have you been feeling alright? Have things been working in your favor? Mercury Retrograde is still in effect so don’t be surprised if you hear from someone you didn’t expect, or if things do or don't dramatically work in your favor. With that being said, let me tell you about this epiphany I had recently.
Even though I fear being alone and I still have bouts with loneliness more so here and there, I’ve actually come to terms with it ever since I returned from my “escape”. I kind of realized that a lot of people in my life aren’t good for my spirit, it doesn’t mean that they’re bad people but they’re not ones to motivate or help me during problematic times in my life. It’s not so much of my “friends” showing their true colors but it’s the aspect of me accepting them for who they are and right now I refuse to stick by many of them when the most they’ll do is stand by me in spirit, I shouldn't have to accept mediocrity as something that's good enough when I go above and beyond for the same people. Which has been leading me to be alone ever since I came back (being a true hermit if you want to call it that), I’m learning how to be accepting of myself and not needing my ”friends” approval on my own happiness. I understand that the actions and behavior of others are out of my control but I can control my emotions when it comes down to it, trying to remove myself from situations I can't control at a time like this is something I should've done a long time ago. Helping others is one of my greatest qualities in life but recently it's been draining my spirit with the people that refuse to be loyal to others or their word, I need a break... and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
This was actually written on "leap year" because this was supposed to be my 6th month's later letter to my best friend but I couldn't bring myself to do it, this was actually recommended from another mutual friend of ours saying I should "write her a letter 6 months later" but it kicked in during "the song request". "twice" for some reason was difficult for me to write because I didn't want it to sound repetitive, I recently did a surprise DJ set with the same friends I played with at the very beginning that my best friend ghosted me because I felt like I had to redeem myself mentally and it worked. I was very thankful they allowed me to do that again and when I revealed to them why I had to do it again towards the end of the night they completely understood, I can cross that one off the list. "Pushing Me Away" was one of my best friend's favorite entries of mine back in the day, I still have no ill will towards my ex even after all these years after writing that and I hope she's doing alright (supposedly she has a kid but the source is unclear as well). "colossus" was probably the most difficult entry I've ever tried to write because if I wasn't put in a dark place writing it then I had to bring myself near it and part of me didn't want to be brought there anymore, it was an entry that wouldn't have had a positive ending so I might've dodged a bullet for the reader on that one (I apologize for that one). The only thing I want to say about "centenary note" is thanking you, thank you whoever you are for reading these and sticking by me up to this point. I hope I didn't disappoint or bore with these stories, thanks for putting up with me. I knew about a month or two ago that I wanted my first story after my 100th entry was going to be the one that started it all "THE OATH", and even though this was going to be a rewrite I wanted it to be clearer to the reader onto why I am the way I am today. Even though I kind of did it before with "diatribe", I'm proud of myself for sticking to my word on this one and delivering something as stable as that. I hope you have a good rest of the week and remember to be patient with the world if it doesn't work in your favor all right? Until we link again, this is a little something that I saw from my bedroom window (the sun will shine again).
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