Have you ever cared for someone so much that you tried to protect them by pushing them away from your situation? That happened to me some years back between me and some who could've been. After my parent's separation, my father hasn't been the same. He turned his life into drinking and depression, which was hard for a son to witness. But at the same time on my side, I had fallen for one of my friends & I could tell that she was starting to like me as well. We were taking things slow and decided not to rush things, which was alright with me. On November 1st, my dad's birthday turned out to be one that I wouldn't forget. I decided to spend the evening with him, shortly after picking me up he broke the news that he just got out of the hospital. That he spent his Halloween in the hospital due to him being sick from alcoholism, and as he was telling me this what was he drinking? A small bottle of Jack Daniel's. That seriously broke my heart, I was watching him kill himself. But that night he was determined to get a drink, so much that he went to my brother's job (a liquor store at the time) for more. As I was watching him do this, I was secretly destroyed on the inside.
When it came time for me to speak to her about the situation, I drew a blank. I didn't know what to say on behalf of myself on how I felt about the situation. I didn't want her to see me confused and hurt so I pushed her away from my current problem. It was a mistake at the time but I didn't want her to worry about me, especially when I was fighting something that I didn't know how to fight. The more I pushed her away, the more I pushed her away to someone else. By the time I was ready to talk to her about my problem, the other guy was a more interesting topic. When I see the situation today, she couldn't give me the space I needed or the patience to wait for me. I should've let her involved from the start, but I was just looking out for her. You care for someone so much that you don't want them to see you hurt, I tried and then I lost her. But her liking the new guy made the rest of November meaningless, things between me & her haven't been the same ever since.
Six years later, my father passed away not too far after his birthday. I was spiritually dead. Destroyed, dead, devastated, everything in the book that started with the letter "D". Within an hour of the announcement, she was the first to text me for support. She put herself in the position that I wanted her to be in back when I needed her. She was supportive, committed, and determined to be there for me. But just like her years ago, someone else has her time. She grew jealous of the person taking my place since she felt it was supposed to be her. I think she realized where she had to be when that happened, and she felt privileged to be there for me then. It was too late, she wanted to make up what she lost all those years ago. Even though it's never too late for a second chance, the circumstances were too great. I needed all the support I needed at the time, but all the space I needed as well. She didn't understand that then, she does now.
When it came time for me to speak to her about the situation, I drew a blank. I didn't know what to say on behalf of myself on how I felt about the situation. I didn't want her to see me confused and hurt so I pushed her away from my current problem. It was a mistake at the time but I didn't want her to worry about me, especially when I was fighting something that I didn't know how to fight. The more I pushed her away, the more I pushed her away to someone else. By the time I was ready to talk to her about my problem, the other guy was a more interesting topic. When I see the situation today, she couldn't give me the space I needed or the patience to wait for me. I should've let her involved from the start, but I was just looking out for her. You care for someone so much that you don't want them to see you hurt, I tried and then I lost her. But her liking the new guy made the rest of November meaningless, things between me & her haven't been the same ever since.
Six years later, my father passed away not too far after his birthday. I was spiritually dead. Destroyed, dead, devastated, everything in the book that started with the letter "D". Within an hour of the announcement, she was the first to text me for support. She put herself in the position that I wanted her to be in back when I needed her. She was supportive, committed, and determined to be there for me. But just like her years ago, someone else has her time. She grew jealous of the person taking my place since she felt it was supposed to be her. I think she realized where she had to be when that happened, and she felt privileged to be there for me then. It was too late, she wanted to make up what she lost all those years ago. Even though it's never too late for a second chance, the circumstances were too great. I needed all the support I needed at the time, but all the space I needed as well. She didn't understand that then, she does now.
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- This was posted on 11/14/11 on my old blog.
- Notes from my old blog:
1. Inspired by the chorus of Linkin Park's "P5hng Me A*wy"
2. If she read this story, she'd probably deny it. But this was through my eyes.
3. This was a straight write, no breaks. Written in 30 minutes.
-Notes for the new blog
1. Typos fixed. (there was a lot)
2. This was one of my best friend's favorite stories of mine.
3. This is the original photo used for the entry back in 2011.
- Notes from my old blog:
1. Inspired by the chorus of Linkin Park's "P5hng Me A*wy"
2. If she read this story, she'd probably deny it. But this was through my eyes.
3. This was a straight write, no breaks. Written in 30 minutes.
-Notes for the new blog
1. Typos fixed. (there was a lot)
2. This was one of my best friend's favorite stories of mine.
3. This is the original photo used for the entry back in 2011.
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