Though I have many regrets about us and how things could’ve been different, there’s one thing in particular that consistently goes through my mind that I blame myself for. It’s one of those “woulda shoulda coulda” situations but nonetheless, it plays on rotation in my mind and it might be a decision I’ll probably live to regret. During our fight on the way home that seemed to be spiraling out of control by the minute, I tried my absolute best to resolve the situation before it escalated to things getting worse. There was a certain point of our fight that I wanted to give up entirely because I didn’t want to fight with her negativity anymore, it was tampering with my mood and I didn’t want that negative energy to spread towards me. I couldn’t handle it anymore but we were on the road and not sure what to do, I was honestly tired of trying to mend something that didn’t want to be fixed and my patience was wearing thin. What was I supposed to do?
Before we hit the 405 (where things took a turn for the worst), I almost asked her to hop off the 101 so I could take an Uber home. This was going to be my white flag, I was honestly going to retire from the fight because it was from that point I saw no resolution no time soon. I should have given up when I knew I couldn’t when the fight, but I felt like it was selfish thinking at the time and that I couldn’t support my best friend at her time of need. The only problem was that I didn’t know how many more hits this punching bag could take, I bottled up as much as I could until I couldn’t anymore. I blame myself a lot for not having enough patience as I should’ve, but realistically I blame myself for not giving up when I should’ve. I understand that I can’t win every battle nor can I fix everyone's problems but I refuse to not try to help someone who is hurting, and by me doing that got me in trouble with someone whom I thought would never leave my side. To this day, I still wonder if I had asked her to exit the freeway when I did if we’d still be talking today. I’m not one to quit on someone who is upset but I guess I should have that night. I guess we’ll never know…
Before we hit the 405 (where things took a turn for the worst), I almost asked her to hop off the 101 so I could take an Uber home. This was going to be my white flag, I was honestly going to retire from the fight because it was from that point I saw no resolution no time soon. I should have given up when I knew I couldn’t when the fight, but I felt like it was selfish thinking at the time and that I couldn’t support my best friend at her time of need. The only problem was that I didn’t know how many more hits this punching bag could take, I bottled up as much as I could until I couldn’t anymore. I blame myself a lot for not having enough patience as I should’ve, but realistically I blame myself for not giving up when I should’ve. I understand that I can’t win every battle nor can I fix everyone's problems but I refuse to not try to help someone who is hurting, and by me doing that got me in trouble with someone whom I thought would never leave my side. To this day, I still wonder if I had asked her to exit the freeway when I did if we’d still be talking today. I’m not one to quit on someone who is upset but I guess I should have that night. I guess we’ll never know…
- Written and posted 4 months after the altercation
- "exit 18" is the Sepulveda exit on the 101 N
RESIST: spiral
RETIRE: exit 18
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