Being undefined for 10+ years left everybody in the dark, including us. Defined as a couple by many (and doing activities as if we were a couple), we never labeled ourselves as a couple. I did a few times to Uber drivers on the way to work to see how it would feel and it felt good to label her as my girlfriend, but I never said it to her face because I didn’t want us to be defined as a label at the time (or all this time). If this sounds confusing it’s because of my sign, Sagittarius’s fear commitment like the plague since we like to roam free so much. I never had my eye on another woman while she was in the picture believe it or not, although we fear commitment.. we are loyal to the bone. The next step was always in front of us and we (or I) never took it further, my biggest fear was being an on again off again couple because we don’t take rough patches well.
I was afraid of us being official because of our fights, she would always be so quick to want to terminate everything we worked/fought for. Versus trying to see how things got awry, she would always want to call it quits. This used to frustrate me to no end, always having to convince her to stay. It would always take her a little while later that she realized that she took things too far, and sometimes I would too but I wouldn’t be afraid to admit that. We wouldn’t always fight, but whenever we did it would be a big one. And it would be draining to repeat this cycle once a year or so, but was it worth dropping something like this? Absolutely not (not to me at least). Because it’s normal for couples to fight, show me a perfect couple and I’ll call BS.
I had planned to propose to her during our yearly getaway believe it or not, not to be my wife don’t be crazy.. but for us to be official. Since we had be hinting at it for all these years and nothing was defined, why not start something? Even though it’s middle school to ask someone to be there boyfriend/girlfriend, we never really spoke about it. During our rendezvous I was going to see if she felt comfortable being completely official, I’m pretty sure she might’ve said yes (wishful thinking maybe?) because it was only the next step in our chapter. PDA (public display of affection) would’ve been something I would’ve gotten used to, and her putting up with my shenanigans would’ve required more Advil then she could’ve asked for but I hope it would’ve been worth it for the both of us. I really had this planned for us... until a really nasty altercation happened between the two of us barely a week before our getaway. All I can do now is visualize how it would’ve been like, and that’s the best/worst part. Pick your poison.
This was coincidentally written and posted on National Boyfriend Day.
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