Good morning cross watcher!! Are you okay? Have you been feeling alright despite all the chaos that's going on around us right now? Did you get all that you needed before everything sold out? I'm not going to bombard you with anything more than what you haven't seen on the news already, or social media, and most likely your peers because I trust that you're taking the responsible measures to be safe. Because of the panic from my job, my peers, my job, and especially my mother I have decided to leave my home and return to "Oasis City" for a little bit. I will return in a few days and I'm avoiding major crowds, I will admit that it's surreal to see most of the town deserted to the point where I had a movie theater to myself. It was one of the best and worst impulsive decisions I've made lately, I didn't want to spend my vacation quarantined with a panicky mother... but on we go.
I know I was not at a good place when I spoke to you last time but I would like to apologize for writing “the third”, “the third” was sort of my epiphany about “the crowd”. I was not angry writing it but I can admit that it was one of my aggressive deliveries towards myself writing a post since "exit 65" because it bothered me how they wanted to desert her due to how I was treated, thinking about that entry today makes me more lonely every time I re-read it back to myself. The name of that entry is a play on “third party situations” which was something I kept hearing on certain videos, which is also something I refuse to do when it came to us. If there was ever an issue between me and someone else I try my absolute best to keep it between us, the moment someone else gets involved it gets out of control. So no "third party situations" for me, thank you very much. BUT! How did you like "the bow tie story"? Kind of sweet right? (I will never use that word again). I wish my best friend was still in the picture because that was a huge moment for us, it was a bigger deal for everyone else just to see someone take it that far. Writing that entry made me realize that 2015 was a big year for us, A LOT of possibilities came true for us that year. I was in a bad place with myself when I wrote "Here But I'm Gone" back in 2012, this might surprise you but I was glad that I wrote it because I released that aggression on paper. How do you speak about the world not going right in your favor? Well I did with that entry, not one of my favorites but it was a special one to me. Thank you for reading that one.
Want to hear something amazing (at least to me)? As I've stated before in "talk to me", "who is your therapist's therapist?" Ever since the episodes of "the crowd" and "the third" I've been really closed off with my peers when it came to my feelings, I've been speaking to no one about my troubles but at the very least I have with you (cross watcher). But for the first time in months, someone asked me how I was feeling and I told him (in a vulgar way) that I wasn't feeling too good mentally and he said: "Is it something you're comfortable talking about?", as shocked as I was that someone was willing to reach out I couldn't bring myself to tell him what was going on because he's good friends with my best friend as well. I wasn't afraid of him knowing how I failed my best friend but I was afraid of him turning on her and trying to make me turn against her as well as everyone else. As level-headed as he was, I couldn't bring myself to express to him what was really going on. But I will say that it was nice to have the tables turned for once instead of hearing "You need to let it go" and "You see how difficult you were?" for a change, maybe someday when I have more confidence to do so but not now. I thank him for that though, I appreciated that more than he'll ever realize. I know I didn't link up with you last week and I apologize for that, with everything that's going on in the world and with my battles with loneliness I couldn't bring myself to speak to you (which shouldn't be a problem but it was). And I know I said that I was going to write a new piece on an old entry and I didn't deliver on that as well, what's going on with me? Anyway, until we link again... here's another one for you. Be safe.
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