Good afternoon cross watcher!! Are you staying safe? Staying indoors? Is the heat getting to you? Is your power bill going to go up? Mine is. I hope you are safe and staying home being productive trying out new things or building something new (whether it’s physical or mental), keep in mind that we’re all in this together as try to get through a difficult period. I forgot to bring this up but this is actually our 25th interaction with each other, it’s been a pleasure speaking with you and I thank you for being listening to me during my ups and downs… mostly downs. I know I skipped the last link up and I’m sorry for that, I was dealing with an uncomfortable situation that some friends put me in. I was going to speak about it with you today but something interesting happened that kinda put a monkey wrench in my life and I’m not sure how to respond to it, I’ll explain that a little later.
If the ending for “blocking” seemed a little rough I want to apologize for that, the ending portion was written at 1 in the morning and I was growing bitter about the situation as I was writing it. It was written like breakfast lunch and dinner (morning afternoon evening), I kind of wish I could rewrite but it was such an uncomfortable experience I don’t want to revisit it (but how can I get better at it if I avoid it?) “scratch” was one of the last entries I had written on my previous blog, it was how I felt about my friends at the time and the same feelings are starting came back today (after a recent event). It was our last encounter with that cat, he was my best friend’s uncle’s boyfriend’s cat. Every cat he ever had was questionable, especially that one. There’s one thing in “blocking” that I didn’t say that I should’ve because I was getting too uncomfortable as I was writing it when my best friend removed all the photos of me from her social media account.. was that karma for removing all the records and content from “the deleted playlist”? I’m not going to play the pity game but what if I deserved it?
Do you want to know why I called this “the bell”? For 2 reasons really. The first is because during the first heatwave in LA my best friend and I would take a trip to the Korean Friendship Bell in San Pedro since it’s at least 10 degrees cooler around that area, we did this for 2 years towards the last week of April or the beginning of May. Driving towards the end of the 405 near Long Beach listening to whatever album we loved at the time or discussing whatever topics we could as we are enjoying the breeze as we get there, seeing how much cooler it was we wouldn’t leave until near sundown. That was something I used to look forward to around this time, I know she is too knowing that our rooms at our house probably feels like an oven right now. I hope she’s doing well, I know she has her fan on full blast because I know I am (we bought ours at the same time). The second reason is that something one from some of the recent stories I had been writing has “reached out” to me recently, I knew that he was lurking on my Instagram here and there but this proved it. He commented on a story I posted when my father having dinner with a famous singer, he did this on a Thursday (which is usually the day I receive bad news) but this was an absolute curveball. I slept on it for a day whether or not I wanted to start over with him and I’ve decided that I did, but only with him. If it’s a packaged deal (I bumped heads with his team more-so than him) then I’m out, if strictly me and him then I’m okay with that. I thought he was lurking just to be nosey about me but what if he did miss our friendship? Otherwise, he wouldn’t have commented right? This is why I never blocked them from my account because I wasn’t angry with that but losing them (mostly him) took extremely defeating, but I guess time has passed long enough for us to connect again. We’ll see what happens when the bell rings, what do you think about all this? Crazy right? I’m thankful I wasn’t talking badly about them when I did the 3 times that I have so far because I would look stupid speaking poorly only to turn it around, I did mean everything I said that and I won’t take it back. But it’s like I told my sister when we reconciled back in January: “Let’s start over SLOWLY”. It took me 2 days to write to you when it usually takes me about an hour, I do like talking to you I really do it’s just things have been draining lately and I’m not sure what to do. I’ll try not to make you wait so long next time (I’m actually writing this next to my father’s urn), until we link again… stay safe, cover-up, stay cool. Here’s a photo of “the bell”*…
*(had to crop out best friend because I didn't want to offend her)
Comments
Post a Comment