blocking

(Keep in mind that everything that I am about to say is not me speaking for everyone, these are my beliefs and my feelings towards the topic.  Agree or disagree if you want to but this is something that has been on my mind recently, thank you for your understanding.)

  I’m just going to go out and say it: I don’t block people. I have never blocked a person in my life, nobody in my life has ever bothered me so badly to the point to where I didn’t want them to see any part of my life because I always felt that if there was anything that people shouldn’t see... I won’t showcase it. If there was someone I didn’t want to be involved in my life I just don’t associate with them, even though I have a difficult time letting go of people that I have crossed paths with I wouldn’t close the book on them because they are a part of my chapter that could reappear later. I’ve never had a bully in my life and if I did my parents would make me face them head-on, that’s why I was never one to really avoid my own issues because I had to face them sooner or later. But I always felt that blocking someone from communicating with you because you were upset with them is downright cowardly if they were harassing or probably blackmailing you that’s different but it wouldn’t mean the issue isn’t going to come back in the future. But like I stated in the first sentence, I have never blocked anyone in my life. However, I have done something just as despicable.  

 When things were going south between me and a group of people I respected, the sheer disappointment and abandonment were unbearable for me to deal with at the time. It was troubling me on how they seemed happy and successful without me, it honestly made me feel worthless. I couldn’t bring myself to see them on my social media feed seeming successful because I felt defeated after they made me feel like the relationship crashed on my behalf, so I muted them from my social media feed so I didn’t have to see their daily activities. It pained me to not be curious to see their future projects and smiling, but I knew deep down it might’ve been a facade that I was unwilling to accept. It was on Valentine’s Day as my best friend and I was coming back home from vacation when it dawned on me that things weren’t going to improve between us and that muting them was stupid, it was at that moment that I just unfollowed everyone all together. It wasn’t my ego telling me to do that but it was the realization that they were too prideful to make amends because of how they originally handled the situation, you can’t tell people what to do but you’d wish they would see situations in different perspectives.

  When I saw that my best friend was starting to ghost me by not responding to my messages, it felt like a punch to the gut. But it wasn’t until she took me off of all of her accounts and blocked me from communication with her which was pretty much the nail in the coffin. It hurt me to no end because I would hear her voice every day and for her to take it this far still shocks me to this day, I’ve accepted it that she doesn’t want me in her life anymore but I’m still not used to it. It bothers me that we couldn’t talk this issue out like we did our other problems like civilized people (because that’s what best friends do), instead of talking her out of it this time I’m just going to give her the space that she wants. This isn’t the first time that she has taken me off her social media accounts (and every time she did I made her admit that she did it out of anger) but by her blocking me from all platforms was a new method that she did and I’m not going to even try to bother with it this time, how can we work out what the problem is if I can’t contact you? I’m not going to bother taking the extra steps to lurk on her page because I know she’s happier that I’m not in the picture, that wasn’t how I envisioned us to be because I had something planned for us but I was ghosted just 4 days before things could even turn around for us. Believe it or not, I’m just hoping she’s happy. With or without me in the picture, that’s all I want in the long run.  I just hope she understands one day how much ghosting and blocking can distress anybody who’s on the other end, especially if they didn’t deserve it…. but who cares?