(Direct write) Good morning cross watcher! Another Sunday, another chance for us to speak! Are you doing all right? Are you staying busy? Did you catch the flu just like everyone else? Most importantly, do you have any worries that are troubling you? If so I’m pretty sure you’ll get through it. You’ll conquer anything if you put your mind into it, don’t let anything or anyone tell you differently. Did you know that I’ve been trying to express my feelings about “once” for a long time but I just didn’t know where? I was in a lonely place when I made “eclipse”, and I couldn’t bring myself to emotionally go back there so I figured to post it anyway. If it makes the reader feel isolated that was the point of it, and I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I wrote a large chunk of “silent sprout” at the pier, I used the waves of the water to help cleanse whatever I was holding onto so it could help me let it go. I went back to the same place where I wrote “the distant acclaim” as inspiration to help me write it, I needed my dad’s help to guide me through it (and I thank him for that). Are you still bugging out on what I said in “SiMilaR View”? Yeah me too, I hope you enjoyed that one. My 75th entry is coming soon, I’ll make sure it’ll be interesting. But I want to take this moment to do something a little differently, so bear with me on what I’m about to disclose.
Even though I want to thank you for taking the time to read the things that I am saying, I want to apologize to you as well. I want to apologize for letting these stories drag on and repeating topics as if it seems like I’m not going anywhere, but trust me when I say the more I talk about it the easier it is for me to accept things being how they are whether I like it or not. I recently revisited the inspiration for me to write “analyze them” and even though I understand that relationships are hard I wish I had the chance to apologize once again to my best friend for everything that we have been through, I’m saying this because I’m kind of afraid of getting close to anyone right now and the cross watcher (meaning you) is taking an interest in my deepest thoughts at this time. I recently thought about how my parents treated each other after their separation and it was a lot of blaming each other that went nowhere only leaving one another becoming more and more bitter, this is the approach I don’t want to take with my best friend. Even though she said things to make me feel a certain way, I’m not going to use this platform to target her or blame her for her role in our fight. I refuse to speak ill will of her, instead, I will be speaking about myself and my errors on how I wish I had done things differently (which I have been doing). It’s not my job to bash on someone else that doesn’t agree with me, but I could work on improving myself by speaking about my faults and I could only do it here. I apologize to her again for the discomfort that I brought on to her and I apologize to you for making you sit here to read this continuously, reconciling with someone that I cut ties with gave me the motivation to do this. (If you understand tarot, I’ve been feeling like the judgment card in reversed and the five of cups (or five of swords reversed). I’ve secretly been listening to tarot card readings when I write some stories of these stories believe it or not, whether it’s true or not it’s nice to hear someone speak confidently every once in a while.)
Thank you again for checking up on me, it means a lot to me knowing that I could speak to someone like this because I’m really closed off about a lot of things right now. I had an epiphany at work thinking if I was really speaking to myself writing these “links” as if it was like an episode from a famous anime that I liked, where the main female protagonist made a video of herself when she was younger so if she watched it again in the future she would be motivated with cheerful words by her younger self (sounds complicated and sweet at the same time right?). But I know deep down someone is checking up on me, and whomever it is thank you for doing that. Thank you for taking the time to read these, thank you for not abandoning me, thank you for listening, thank you for understanding, and most important… thank you for being you. Until we link again, here’s another one for you.
(this was actually shot the same where I wrote most of "silent sprout")
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