link: the 10%

   Good morning cross watcher. Are we on week 5 or 6? Or is it 7? Who’s counting anymore? The real question is how are you doing right now? Are you doing okay? I’m fine, some good days and bad days but looking forward to better days. I’m actually speaking to you because I’m taking a break from this new game I got a few days ago, I love it. It was a long-awaited sequel that the hardcore fans had been waiting for, 26-year wait if I’m not mistaken. I spent April gaming more than anything honestly, not sure what to feel about that but it’s like a drug I’m not sure I should be liking. It’s been my recent retreat, a part of me feels at home ago but another part of me feels like I’m part of a social stigma that’s frowned upon. A lot of my peers aren’t contacting me, my mother is still paranoid (but not as bad as when it first started), and I feel like I don’t have many to talk to anyway. In the long run, I hope everyone is happy and staying busy while they’re doing their own thing. I hope by you reading that I hope that you’re well and that you’re doing just fine, and thank you for checking up on me at this time. Come on, let’s talk about the recent posts.

   At times when I’m extremely frustrated, I will write things out on my Twitter but I won’t submit them to the world. Every once in a while I will some the more tolerable ones as a draft dump to show people what crossed my mind here and there but if it’s too critical (like the ones I showed in the entry) then I won’t share them. “three tweets” is a prime example of that, that’s just a taste of what kind of things run through my mind. Questions of my role among others, self-doubt, and the people in my life. By the way, “three tweets” is a play on Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds”. Using the chorus as the main inspiration, clever right? “the butterfly connection” is a true story that I’m dealing with right now, how things got complicated in the wrong hands. Just like I stated in the entry, I’m thankful I got to help someone who felt lost in their tracks. But the men involved in her life like to make things complicated for her because they don’t know how to react to a pretty face, it even made me question the people in my life that reached out to her. Even if I wanted to approach her like that (which I don’t), she’ll ask me why they’re acting a certain way and I can’t defend that. It’s……. yeah, one of those situations. The “questionnaire” was fine one morning when I couldn’t sleep, I think I did it at 5 am or something because I didn’t know how to write this other entry I’m trying to finish. Not so much as a distraction but it helped stimulate my mind as well, I hope by you reading that you got to know me a little better. Would you be okay if I did those more often? It’s to put myself in check too. If someone isn’t going to do then I might as well do it.

  I might be wondering why I called this “the 10%”, because of something that happened this morning believe it or not. Earlier this week, I posted a rare hard to find record on a song that people “in the know” would recognize, and the response was met with a lot of surprises. This artist that I met earlier this year direct messaged me and said: “I like your post but I didn’t like who you tagged so I didn’t double-tap it” (which coincidentally was the person that told me about the record). I thought it was a bit much but we actually talked about it for a good hour or so, there was no beef between us but we had a proper discussion about the situation and both came to terms with each other’s feelings about it. I know the person in question is not an easy person to work with but we get along very well, despite his controversial opinions. I asked myself after that conversation: “Is it wrong to dislike something because you don’t like a fraction of it?” Because 90% is still an A on the test, don’t think that I failed because I got 10% wrong. I thought about how many people have probably done that to me and it was kind of terrified me, then I thought about myself and realized that I practiced this ridiculous method before as well. I practiced this biased form of neglect with the team that rejected me as well, any photo involving them I didn’t like so I ignored it altogether. It wasn’t until early this year that I realized that I was wrong for taking it that far (I could admit for my part), it made me bitter towards that and I shouldn’t have done that. My best friend even did this with the people I visited in Japan, she didn’t like their post if it had a picture of me in it. It came to my senses that just because someone you don’t like made an impact on someone else doesn’t mean that you should take it out on them, just because you don’t like pickles on a burger doesn’t mean that you have to throw away the whole burger (I hope that makes sense). Moral of the story is: Don’t make something bigger than what it has to be, that was the lesson I learned that I’m willing to share with you. With that said, I hope you enjoy the rest of your day. I wish you the best and I hope you remain positive through this whole endeavor. Until we link again, this is a photo that the girl from “the butterfly connection” asked me to take. Why? I don’t know. But the star appealed to her so I took it.