I try not to be a creature of habit for the most part depending on what the circumstances are, but when it comes to my birthday that’s when I’m extra delicate when it comes to how I'd like to spend my time. It’s been 5 years since I celebrated my special day with someone else so I’ve had no problem riding solo since then, just let me do the same 2 things I normally do on my birthday and we’ll be straight. There are particular reasons why I kept my birthday private by providing the wrong date to others, and one of those reasons was to have no interpretations throughout the day. The fewer people the better is how I see it, because I know if I ride by myself I can’t be disappointed. That changed this year when some ladies found out what day it landed and wanted to spend time with me on my birthday, the foolish part about this is that I was clumsy enough to let my guard down believing it would happen.
I can’t get mad at what happened entirely because life happens and you can’t predict what can happen next, but sometimes people really don’t understand how much something would mean to the other party until it’s too late. Two friends reached out and suggested that they wanted to do something for me on my special day, and both of them had to cancel due to other obligations that they had to tend to (not one but both). Another friend reached out saying she was at my house while I was away waiting for one of the girls (before she canceled) and she seemed upset that I wasn’t at home at the time, I had to make arrangements with my mother so she could pick up whatever she dropped off at the house. We had no communication or anything before this happened, just showed up out of nowhere expecting me to be there. The worst part about this is out of everything that was happening, I didn’t feel appreciated by their actions.
One thing to note is that I'm not angry or bitter about the situation, I just don’t feel respected by those who know what day it is. I had to sit back and think to myself “Why does this bother me so much?” It kind of triggered the feeling of abandonment the more I thought about it, but I was more upset with myself thinking someone wanted to value my existence for once. My father did something similar to this on my 16th birthday when he picked me up on my birthday but dragged me to spend time with someone who just got out of prison, how hard is it to have a little company and to feel appreciated on your special day? I don’t blame the ladies for having to cancel or doing what they did but at the same time it felt like a betrayal, but when all was said and done… I did the same routine I usually do on my birthday for the past 3 years. If there was any redemption to this day, it was that. Got to eat my favorite dessert and play my favorite game with no interruptions, still feel a little hurt by what happened on my day but that didn’t stop me from cheering myself up afterward.
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