Every sunrise or sunset that I’ve witnessed brings forth a sensational warmth and rejuvenation to the body that’s difficult to explain, although it’s temporary I never have an issue going out of my way to capture this moment because it’s still one of those monumental things that’s worth the trip. Every once in a while I will see a couple basking in the view together, I used to wonder what sharing a moment like this with someone else would be like but not as much as you’d think. It doesn’t have to be romantic but it could be just sharing a moment like this with someone important, this was something that sparked when a friend recently revealed about watching the sunrise with a girl he used to be involved with. I was taken aback by him speaking about her like this because I was relieved that he shared not only a positive moment but a special one with her, despite their differences this meant something to him. This made me reflect on moments I had like this before and there were hardly any, but it made me think back to the downs and ups of the day where I felt my highs and lows… my birthday.
It’s no secret that I keep it a secret but when some of the ladies that cared about me the most wanted to spend time with me it was hard for me to say no, but the betrayal I felt when it fell apart made me feel unappreciated at an all-time high. I didn’t hate them nor was I angry with them but it was a moment when it was extremely difficult for me to express my disappointment with them, I forgave them a little while later that came with tears from one of them and remorse from the other. As we gradually came back to where we were, when one of the girls spoke in person with me for the first time since the incident she asked me for a hug. One thing I should note is that she’s not the affectionate type and we’ve probably hugged less than 5 times out of the 15+ years that I’ve known her, but for her to ask me to do that meant a lot to her. I knew at that moment that she missed me just didn’t know how to say it, it’s a strange thing to say but it was sort of a defining moment for us. She ended up taking me out one month later to undo the damage that she caused, she even called in sick to do it right (and I got her sick right after, sorry).
I have such an impactful way with words that it’s very hard for me to speak to others who hurt me because I don’t yell or belittle them but my delivery cuts a little deep for them. As much as I was upset with one of them, I hated hearing her cry on the phone. I knew she was hurt when she said: “I don’t know what we are anymore” leaving the fate of us in my hands, it was at that moment that I told her that I forgave her. The very next day she brought me my favorite donut straight from the source, that’s how I knew she was serious about reconciling. Fast forward to Christmas Eve when I gave her a Christmas present as well as her son, and as soon as she received it she stopped what she was doing to give me a hug (I actually bought all her gifts before my birthday in November). She called me later that day to see if I was home so she could deliver my gift since it just arrived, when she did we hugged it out again and sat down to talk about things. I laid my head on her side and she cradled my head as I did that, and for the first time I felt protected with her (I knew I was but that was the first time that she showed it). We were finally able to make up for her standing me up on my birthday (she even sat where I was when I ate alone), it turned out to be one of the most pleasant afternoons I’ve had so far and the year just started.
An actor once said something that stuck me really hard saying: “The ministry of presence. Sometimes that’s all you need to offer a person in a situation, just to be present.” We always have our hands full while never having time for anybody else and not even for ourselves sometimes, but we forget how important it is to have some company and how it feels for someone to make time for us. I used to think about how lucky people were to watch the sunrise/sunset with someone special but it never dawned on me how lucky I was to have the time to witness it for myself even if I was alone, that was one thing I never considered. When the ladies didn’t appear for my special day I was at a loss because I wasn’t sure what to feel but I knew I didn’t want to be mad at them, but it was how they went out of their way to fix their error that made me feel like I was worth it at the end.
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