Long time no talk, I know it’s been a minute since we've heard each other's voices but I hope you’re well. The same goes for your family, moms, pops, sister, brother, niece, nephew, everybody. In case you were wondering, my mother is doing fine. She hurt herself earlier this year but she’s fully recovered from that, her clumsiness is to thank for that. Hopefully you’ve been driving or looking for better employment by this time, I remember you being long overdue for both. Did you finally get that game that you've been waiting for? They take forever I know, but we already knew that was going to happen. Have you been using that journal I gave you? It’s a tough one, I've struggled with it as well and was nowhere near completing it myself. So much so that I haven't touched it in almost a year, when it comes to having to talk about the people in your life at the current moment that's the part that I struggle with. Which brings me to why I'm writing this today, please allow me to dive a little deeper as to what broke us apart.
There’s not a day that goes by where I don't think about how much of a hypocrite I've been when it came to that night in December, I know it felt like a betrayal and to tell the truth it was. To be abandoned after revealing an uncomfortable truth was a reality that I wasn’t prepared to face because I knew deep down you were attracted to her and I couldn't blame you for that. It wasn’t anger or jealousy more so than it was defeat, it was defeating knowing that no matter what I did she couldn’t be attracted to me anymore because I don’t indulge in the same substance as you and she does. This gave me the impression that you had more of an advantage over me no matter what I did because I lacked that common ground, I couldn’t be upset with you because I understood the conditions of the matter. With what was going on in your life in regards to the ladies not respecting you as much as they should and the setting of that night, how could I be upset? It left me the impression that being me just isn't good enough since I refuse to dive into the same poison that was met with my father's demise, if being the best me I can be isn't good enough then what is? That was a question I've struggled with from that night to the end of the year, and it's still a question I have difficulty answering from time to time.
Believe me when I say that the “hiatus” between us was only supposed to last until the end of that year, but the more I thought about it the more I was terrified to let anybody else enter my life. It regrettably taught me to be more closed off when it comes to friendships and my love life, I’m not trying to be cold on purpose but I don’t trust anybody with my happiness anymore. Me and "you know who" haven’t spoken (per my choice), I’m just not sure if she cares about my joys and well-being enough on her own will for her to really matter. I know it bothers her that I don’t reach out anymore but it terrifies me to be hurt again, we actually ran into each other recently but that’s another story for another time. I see that you and her are still somewhat in contact with one another through the likes on the gram and that’s cool, whatever makes you both happy is all that matters in the end. For what it's worth, I do apologize for my part in this. You know what? I completely forgot to tell you how I’ve been doing, don’t worry about me. Focus on being a better you because I know you can do it, take care of the people around you too.
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