link: behind the camera

  Good morning cross watcher!! How many weeks have we been in quarantine now? How are you holding up? Have you been doing alright? The family too? I’m health is okay, I’m mentally and spiritually tired. I wish other people were happier during this time, I understand how and why they feel that they do (and I feel for them). I’m more than happy to look out for those feeling low in their spirits (which feels like everybody around me) but I’ve been hiding my true feelings, I just seclude myself in my room either playing pinball or finding ways to stay positive so I could pass it on to the next person feeling down. I know nobody is in a good mood these with everything that’s going on in the world so I get it, “keeping your head up” is easier said than done but it’s easier to drown than to keep your head above water so don’t easily succumb for everything’s going on (this goes for you too.. and me). I’m not looking for any kind of return from helping others as much as could (something will come my way, don’t know what but it will), I’m happy enough when they pay it forward to others in need. I hope you take care of yourself, you’re the only person checking on me (thank you for that). Can I tell you something about my last entry? There was more to it that I didn’t want to share…

  This another part of “the photograph” that I did not discuss, the actual “truth” if you want to call it that. With my best friend out of the picture right now I honestly had nobody to take pictures of, my last 3 efforts to reach out to someone failed because they agreed but never gave me an availability (well, one was because of the virus). But I also said to myself as well that nobody ever wants to take a photo of me, I’m always the person that’s behind the camera but never one as the subject. I practiced with self-portraits for close to 10 years (and my best friend’s portraits around the same time), so I could understand depth, detail, and positioning. I reached out to my photo mentor before arriving into town during one of my trips and he agreed to take a few shots of me, I trusted that he could take the best angles of me while we were out in sin city. But when the opportunity came about, it never happened. We went out shooting the stars instead (I guess he was more interested in that at the time), I was upset about it for a good 30 seconds but then I realized I should do it myself like I always should’ve in the first place. I don’t want to ask anybody for help at this time because it seems like a hassle, it’s hard enough for me ask and harder to be turned down or ignored by it.

  Until we link again, cover-up. This was the first photo from the test shots.