Do you know what it's like to carry around an empty bottle with you everywhere you go? The symbolism of things to be filled. Nobody pays attention to empty bottles, we just throw (or recycle) them away. Ever since my father's passing I feel like that I'm still holding on to it. But why would I hold on to a useless empty bottle for this long in the first place? Because he's the only man that could fill that bottle, and I've been waiting for so long. Through his struggles with money and alcohol I tried to wait for him, even though it felt useless most of the time. When I was younger, he would be the symbol of joy but in the later years to come to be my symbol of despair. My mother was always around, but after seeing all the supporting fathers out there for their kids I grew bitter about mine. I understand that some kids have not grown up with a father or father figure or tragically lost a dad altogether, but I was waiting for 10 years for my father to bounce back to his feet. I was patient enough to hold on to my bottle for this long because of all the recovery stories I've heard through the years. From junkies to gamblers to alcoholics, I've heard it all. I couldn't watch him kill himself with alcohol, not that he was abusive but that he was miserable all the time. He was so miserable at times that I would question my existence in his life or in this world. I couldn't take anymore abuse like that so I put myself bottle away. I still worried about him, because he's my father why wouldn't I? I got the call saying my father passed away in his sleep, my self-esteem was hit by a truck. I never felt so empty in my life, wait.. the bottle! When I came home and looked at the bottle for a long time just to realize that this bottle will never be filled again. The symbol of my joy and happiness with him will never be filled again.
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- Written on 11/25/10 (exactly one week after my father's death)
- I think it was inspired after seeing an empty coke bottle if I'm not mistaken
- The same photo was used for the original blog from 2010.
- A friend's brother and mother passed away in the same week, I remembered this entry when I thought about her.
- Unentintial predecessor to "glimmer"
__________________________________
- Written on 11/25/10 (exactly one week after my father's death)
- I think it was inspired after seeing an empty coke bottle if I'm not mistaken
- The same photo was used for the original blog from 2010.
- A friend's brother and mother passed away in the same week, I remembered this entry when I thought about her.
- Unentintial predecessor to "glimmer"
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