The biggest issue with lack of communication is that it allows us to make an assumption or a misunderstanding far bigger than what it has to be, and since we as people already think the worst when it comes to any situation we don't completely understand this is something that’ll easily come to mind regardless if it’s true or not. Especially for those who are non-confrontational or refuse to take accountability for hurting someone, it’s easier to burn a bridge than to make amends or admit that we made an error. I rarely show my ego to others but I will avoid someone if I feel like their toxicity is too unbearable, if more people were willing to fix what offended someone else then I would be more confrontational about the things that bothered me. This is something I wish I could have with many people in my life but you can’t have a strong connection with weak-minded people, if that’s the case then I would be doing all the work. I recently ran into someone who gave me a broken heart and she asked me an interesting question: “I Thought You Hated Me?" Let me explain.
When she asked me that question, my immediate response was: “I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for her (referring to her daughter).” The truth is I was really baffled by her saying that, but it was a question I didn’t have a chance to sit down and think about until a little bit later. I hate that we are strangers today, but I also hate the fact that I have to be the one to make all the effort when it comes to communicating with her even more. She made me feel at times like I wasn’t important enough to reach out, not even to ask me how I’m doing. I took a step back from communicating with her because it wasn’t good for my mental health to do that, to her it felt like no matter what I did it was never good enough and I can’t be around someone that makes me feel like my best won’t matter (especially if I’m pushing most of the weight). It would be an injustice for my sake if I continue to push for attention that I wouldn’t receive, especially if she knew as well that I deserved it.
To this day, I know it bothers her that I stopped reaching out to her. She stopped liking, commenting, and even stopped watching my stories on social media. She took my absence as a sign of me unfriending her but in reality, she doesn’t know how to put herself in another person’s shoes (especially if she’s the one that did the damage). So do I hate her? No, not at all. I just hate how she is, she has a good heart but I don't have it in me to fight for something that won't be guaranteed. As much as it pained me to let her go quietly, I had to do it for myself because I know I deserve better. To this day I wish no ill will on her, but I still wish her the best. For the record, hate is a strong word and I don't hate anyone. If we could talk so she could not only listen but also understand how she's hurt me before and learn from it would be a dream come true, we both know that's not going to happen so let's just carry on with our lives. I really hope she finds happiness one day, and I hope she wishes the same for me.
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