[open letter]

 12/21 - [THIS IS LENGTHY SO KEEP SCROLLING IF THIS IS TOO LONG FOR YOU]

[open letter] I’m writing this today because I don’t want to start the new year without getting this off my chest. If there’s one thing I sincerely regret doing this year is not opening up to those whose words or actions have hurt me, it’s easy to respond to people who have upset us or made us angry but for the life of me, I can’t bring myself to let others know that they let me down. And because of that, in return, it affects my mentals and my well-being for the sake of theirs. One issue that I’ve had is when others don’t want to take account or responsibility for what they say and if I do express my feelings on what was said it’ll more than often land on deaf ears or they’ll treat me differently (as if I’m too sensitive). I know as a man I’m not supposed to “showcase emotions” or “act like things bother me” and that’s not what I’m saying today, it’s the lack of seeing another person’s perspective and understanding of what they’re trying to say is what I’m addressing since no interest or concern is shown on how things could phase me. The best way that I can describe it, it’s like protecting those who treat you like your best isn’t good enough (this goes for blood too). As the year is coming to a close, there’s been a major decline in respect (especially with apologies) to where I have to question my sanity due to how things were handled and I refuse to continue thinking that I have to accept the kind of treatment I’ve been receiving from others knowing that I don’t deserve it because it isn’t fair. I’ve kept my word with everybody in my life and not enough to myself, but I will say this today... this will not continue coming next year. I appreciate those who look up to me as the “responsible one/bigger person” but I shouldn’t be the only example for everyone all the time, everyone has their breaking point and I think this is mine right now. Keep in mind that I am not speaking from a place of anger, nor am I upset or pointing blame at anyone (believe it or not because I’m admitting that I allowed that behavior), I’m just tired of having a broken heart (if that makes sense). Even though I’m writing this for my future self in case I run into this post again if this somehow changes someone’s views of themselves or others on how they see things then I’m glad this opened your eyes a little bit. This is not a cry for attention, more so than it is a wake-up call for myself if anything so please take this as it is. On that note, if you want to improve on yourself and need a little bit of guidance... you know where to find me. Thank you for reading, much appreciated. Take care and be safe.

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This was the original post written for Instagram but it was 500 characters too long (Instagram only allows 2,200), so much of the ending was cut.  This is actually the second "[open letter]", the first one was written over the summer about why I remain straight edge.  The photo was captured on the same day as the last full moon of the year (you could see it in the background), this is also the same photo posted on IG.