link: tired

 Good evening cross watcher, are you okay? How has your mental health been? Are you getting plenty of rest? That first week of June has been a rough one, not just for everyone but for myself as well. I’ve seen many things that withered my spirits, made me question some people’s logic/motivates, and made me appreciate every little ounce of sleep I got. I became the go-to person for others to reach out to when it comes to speaking about this recent uncomfortable topic, sending me videos whether I asked for them or not (which I didn’t), messaging me at all hours of the night because they couldn’t sleep either due to everything that the news and social media being bombarded with that’s keeping them from sleep. So many times I wanted to make a PSA tell others to refrain from messaging me only about the topic because it made me fall into depression, but no matter how exhausted I was I understood that people came to me because I have a non-bias approach to situations no matter how big or small (my mother calls me “compassionate”). It was at this time where I wasn’t sure who to go to or what to say at so people could understand, so instead, I did it through art.

 I was mentioned on someone’s Instagram post as one of their favorite black photographers, first of all, I didn’t even know that (thank you) and secondly, it dawned on me that I should make a piece specifically for the people asking me to contribute. Out of all my years being recognized as an artist, this is the first time I’ve ever done something as a “black artist”. Never once in my life have I identified my color with my art (or not in years if I have), so this was a first for me in a very long time. I was getting text messages and DM’s for the past couple of days (mostly be women believe it or not) asking if I was doing okay, I had become sleepless due to sirens blaring going towards a protest that went awry not too far from my house. My facial expressions showed a defeated man becoming weary from lack of sleep, it was so bad I had to go to a friend’s house far away just to not hear sirens for a day (it was then I got the notification for the invite). I knew I wanted to show how tiring and exhausting it was to be a black man in America right now (every African-American I had spoken to had expressed the same tirelessness that I was feeling), so I asked myself how can I show it. Originally, I was just going to show the eyes of a “tired” black man but it wasn’t working the way I thought it would, then I converted it to body language and that worked a little better. The moment I posted it was accepted but people I thought would appreciate it, someone told me that it was exactly how he was feeling so I knew I got it just right. The group I submitted to were also pleased with it, I wasn’t doing it for recognition but for expression and it seemed to work.

  So that’s the story behind this photo, I wish for you the best and I hope that you are doing well. I hope you understand that you’re doing great and that things will get better, I hope you know that we’re fighting the good fight and that everything will work itself out in due time. I have a very strong feeling that everything will be alright, and you will too. Don’t lose faith, don’t lose hope. Do you feel better? I do. Until we meet again, take care of yourself. Thank you.