Easter was a holiday we never really took seriously growing up because we never one to express our religious side to the world, it was just another holiday for the family to be together but we never once talked about Jesus during these family gatherings. I was walking home thinking to myself if I ever had any memorable Easters and I couldn’t think of any, except one… that was negative. I hid it so deep in my subconscious that I haven’t spoken about it in over 10 years to anybody, the only people that knew about it were the women in my life at the time. Back in 2005, I didn’t really see much of my father because he went into hiding with his anger and depression with alcoholism, he was practically unreachable. When I finally got in touch with him near the holiday, he said he would be at my aunt's house for Easter and he said he wanted me to be there. My parents were separated at the time and it took was begging and convincing to my mother to drop my off there from my grandmother’s house, she didn’t want to but she understood that my father needed to be in my life so she did it anyway (I thank her for that). I was looking forward to seeing him because I hadn’t seen him since the year started, but once I rang that doorbell it would be a different story.
After I was dropped off at my aunt's house my mom drove off, as I walked up to the house I was just expecting to see him as well as my family. As I rang that doorbell to anticipate seeing my father, I noticed they weren’t answering the door. It was taking them longer than usual so I rang it again and still no answer, I looked at the driveway there were no cars and I look at the window from outside the house nobody was inside. How could this have happened? How could he lie like that? Did I mishear him because I was confident he said it was going to be at his sister’s house because that’s what he said? So many questions were going through my mind that had no answers because it just wasn’t registering that nobody was home, I even questioned if today was Sunday. I called my mother out of defeat because I knew she was going to badmouth him on the way back home (and she did), I just couldn’t understand why he said he would be there and NOBODY was there. I can’t remember if I called him or not afterward but I remember being so disappointed with him that I didn’t call him for months. The one thing I wanted was something I could never get, and that was to spend time with my dad. When I think about it today, it was still never resolved. It does question some parts of my abandonment issues, and why my mother was so adamant on divorcing my father a few weeks later. This is my first time talking about this in over 10 years, I’m not angry about it anymore… just disturbed.
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