REVIVAL: "The Hardest March"

It's hard to believe that the year isn't even half over and yet I'm afraid to see how the rest of the year is going to turn out like. With having 2 family deaths back to back, who could? By having both of my both grands passing away on my dad's side of the family, I felt like I should reconnect with the side of the family that I rarely kept in contact with. During my grandmother's last days, I saw her as much as I could and the family knew that. Regrettably speaking, I had the impression that I should be reconnecting with my family during this time of need even though they felt it was my fault that I was never around. Around the time of my grandmother's death, the family seemed stuck without direction and I was more than willing to help out as much as I could.  But somehow after the funeral, I tried to keep in contact with my folks and guess what? Nobody responds. They asked me to stay in touch and they let it go. I'm doing what the next person would do during a time of death and it feels like they don't want it. I don't know why this hurts so badly. Maybe it's because I'm being rejected by my own family, was it bad timing on my part to try to reconnect? I know this is my family's worst time right now, but I think they forgot that I'm hurting too. I tried to connect with them because I didn't with my grandmother and that's my fault too, but by me feeling this neglect feels like it's being thrown back in my face. This is why I'm keeping this to myself because if my family doesn't want to listen, then who would?

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- This was posted on 4/15/09 on my old blog.

- Notes from my old blog:
1. Written one month after receiving the deadline on her life.

-Notes for the new blog
1. I'm 90% sure this is the same photo I used for the entry back in '09, if it's not the same photo then it's from the same session.