Nobody lives forever and we all know that, but 15 years ago tonight (11/1/04) that I saw firsthand that one of the people responsible for bringing me into this world might not be here much longer than I thought.
It was a Monday night when my father picked me up from my house to go out for his birthday, but within minutes of picking me up he delivered some disturbing news I wasn’t prepared for. According to him, he spent his Halloween in the hospital. Coughing and throwing up blood from his severe drinking, that upset me to know that his drinking had gotten worse at the time. But as he was telling me this, he asked me where the nearest liquor store was. And when I told him he parked his car to run in and run out with a small bottle of Jack Daniels, that felt like a shot to the heart. How could you tell me that you’re getting sick from drinking and turn around a buy the same thing that’s killing you? I never understood my father’s addiction to alcohol until that night, it wasn’t until that night that I really realized that he had an expiration date sooner than I expected. The thought of that scared me beyond belief, but I had to hide it because I was happy to see my father since I rarely did at the time. I could smell the alcohol through his pores, I couldn’t believe I was smelling this from the man that was supposed to be my role model. I was seeing him in a totally different light, and it wasn’t looking good.
We went to visit my brother (who coincidentally worked in a liquor store at the time), it felt good to see my dad laughing and joking around with us but I couldn’t hide the feeling that moments like this won’t happen again. Seeing his smile always brightened anybody's day, I see where I get it from when people said that about me. I was thankful to record a little bit of this evening, turned out to be the last time I would ever record him. After he dropped me off for the evening, I remember not being able to sleep. His character that night was unrecognizable, it was like I didn’t know who my father was even though he was there. I was scared to lose him, I thought I would lose him in my 50’s and I was saying this at 18. I was so frightened that I fell into depression, that was the 2nd hardest November I’d ever struggle through. 6 years later, I would be proven wrong.
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