time of my life

   You know what I miss the most about my father? He wasn’t afraid to say “I Love You”, it was hard enough for me to even type that.  Why? Because I’ve been hurt numerous times by people that had no problem saying it, maybe to them it might mean something but to me it means the world to use that word.  My mother is not one to say that word either, but she’ll write it in every birthday card I ever got from her.  She said it once to me and my brother and it was so hard for her to say it that she cried, so hearing it from her and her side of the family was out of the question.  I never said it to the other person that meant the most to me, but I thought our interactions should’ve said it without words for her.  Until one night she was in a heated argument and she was screaming/yelling things at me, but out of all the things she said.. she said one thing the really surprised me: “YOU DON’T THINK THAT I DON’T LOVE YOU?!”  Hearing that from her actually shook me to the core, we’ve never said something like that to each other.

   On the day that we finally talked it out, she was destined that we were going to fail together but I wasn’t so sure of that.  I wasn’t convinced that we were over but she didn’t want to fight for us to continue, I remember her crying and I had to hold her as I was saying things I never really told her before.  Before I continue one thing about her I forgot to mention is that every time I get sentimental or tell her the god honest truth with she’ll cry and deny on how I feel about her, especially after an argument then she’ll really deny it (as if I’m lying to her).  So as I was holding her in my arms and telling her things, one important thing I kept saying to her was that whenever I’m with her that I was having the time of my life.  And that was very far from a lie, I really did have the time of my life every time I was with her.  I’m not sure if she accepted it or not but it made her ball up even more and even made me tear up a little bit.

   Sometimes we don’t realize or acknowledge the time we spend with others and how much it means to them from the other perspective, and most of the time they don’t tell us either.  I’m happy anytime anybody wants to spend a minute or two with annoying ol’ me because that means a lot but when I’m with her I look forward to it every time, I never really had a dull moment with her (can’t say if she felt the same or not but I hope it was the same).  To this day, I wish arguments didn’t bring out the truth in us, the same way drunk people always speak their truth intoxicated.  Even though I’ve never said the 8 letters to her, telling her she was the best “time of my life” was the closest thing to it.