squeeze

   Ever since I was in high school, I’ve been kinda iffy when it came to giving hugs to women.  I would always see the expression on most girl's faces when they gave hugs to people they weren’t really fond of, I was afraid of being one of those people.  Ever since then I’ve been extra selective on who I would hug, I don’t want to be seen as a creep.  It was to the point where I was more known for hugging dudes than women, the last thing I’d want to do is make a woman feel uncomfortable.  I was also known for bear hugs (to crack someone’s back) and for the infamous multiple slaps to the back, those were more humorous.  But I’ve also been cautious about who would give me hugs, on who can I trust to be this close to me.  Now in my 30’s, that hasn’t really changed.  It might sound weird for me to talk about this, but it’ll make sense in a minute… (maybe not).

   I had a very lonely September, where it felt like life put a monkey wrench in my plans.  But what people didn’t know was that I was an emotional wreck, I kept it hidden the best I could.  But what people didn’t realize was when whenever they would get near me or try to hug me, I would tear up.  At a time where I didn’t feel loved or wanted was the one time that I really needed to be showed that I was going to be okay, but I didn’t know how to ask or to even handle feeling secured like that.  It happened on three occasions where someone got close to me to hugged me and I got emotional, the anxiety was that bad.  For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know how to handle closure like that…. but it was what I needed.  Open arms anybody?